Trigger Cut Game Reviews

Stellar Blade is like when your Dad finds the playboys you stole from him under your bed and you respond by saying I read them for the articles! I played Stellar Blade for the in depth combat and over the top spectacle not the egregiously hot protagonist, ok?  In all seriousness, Stellar Blade is a really fun and bombastic 3rd person action game that reminded me of the Devil May Cry series.  We don’t get these hack and slash type games anymore as most 3rd person action games nowadays are soulslikes.  Other than resting at camps and respawning enemies, Stellar Blade is absolutely not a soulslike and I find that refreshing. The combat isn’t that deep but it is fun, flashy and accessible.  Pretty much all the boss battles are awesome and they are the highlights of the game.  The game has open zones with a ridiculous amount of side missions and more brief requests that you can complete for resources to upgrade your sword and gear.  The side missions are not great in any narrative or gameplay sense but they do give you valuable resources and different costumes so it’s worth doing at least some of them.  This leads me to the story of the game.  It is not good.  The dialogue is stilted and boring with poor voice acting. The narrative is bland dystopian sci-fi that you have seen a million times before and the protagonist EVE has negative charisma. The story feels nonsensical at times and after a while I stopped trying to figure out why and how these weird monsters I am fighting exist in this world. You can unlock some pretty ridiculously revealing costumes in this game however, unlike a character like Bayonetta, EVE doesn’t seem the type to wear this type of clothing. I know this sounds nitpicky but in Bayonetta, other characters comment on her looks and sense of style so the costumes fit the character and make sense within the narrative.  That is not the case here since EVE is a monotone cybernetic soldier with no eccentricities to her personality.  While the combat is the center of the game, there is a surprising amount of platforming and it unfortunately is poorly designed.  The platforming feels inprecise and I lost count how many times I missed a jump I should have made due to the wonky nature of the mechanic.  Overall, Stellar Blade is a good game and a must play if you are jonesing for a mid 2000’s like 3rd person action game of yore. Also, yes EVE is hot and her boobs jiggle. There, I said it.